S4.C5. Adolescence Unpacked: Mindset, Stress, and Growing Up in a Complex World

Singapore 24 Apr 2025

By DAV79

One of our close collaborators—Dr. Matt, an Aussie psychologist based in Hanoi—told me to check out this series Adolescence. I didn’t think much of it at first... and then it hit me. Hard. It touched on so many of the challenges we’ve been trying to understand—especially around mindset, childhood, and that invisible space between what kids feel and what adults think they need.

While inviting members to join an event at our side, I ended up recommending the movie to a collaborator overseas, and suddenly, we were having a whole new kind of conversation. Threads started connecting—things we’d been circling for months just started to make sense.

Below is part of that call. It took everything deeper.

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AURELI13:

I've already watched the series Adolescence, and it left me with so many thoughts. It feels painfully real. What are we supposed to do about this? I could clearly see the helplessness—not just from the parents, but from the entire system. It’s overwhelming... and honestly, I’m still trying to make sense of it all.

DAV79:
Let’s begin with Adolescence. That series made me pause. It wasn’t just about growing up—it was about the emotional fragmentation that happens when you’re forced to grow faster than your mind can anchor. The boy’s descent—quiet, erratic, confusing—wasn’t drama. It was a system failure. His silence was screaming.

AURELI13:
What struck me was exactly that—the way he collapsed inward. It reminded me of how we don’t really see breakdowns coming, especially in children. When someone bottles up for too long, it doesn’t just affect emotions. It distorts thinking patterns. Over time, they stop knowing what they actually feel.

DAV79:
And no one noticed. Or if they did, they didn’t know what to ask. They tried to correct the behavior, not understand the why. The root was invisible. And that’s how so many kids operate—camouflaged distress. It was that realization that led me to write the article “S1C16: The Many Faces of Stress.”

🔗 Read it here

AURELI13:
I read it. That line stayed with me: “Stress is not the scream. It’s the silence that lingers after the crowd has moved on.” It shifted how I see classroom behavior. The kid who jokes too much. The one who zones out. The overachiever who never pauses. They're all carrying something. And we call it stress only when it explodes.

DAV79:
Exactly. Stress wears a thousand faces. It’s the performer, the avoider, the aggressive, the passive. And beneath all of it, often, is a mind that’s stuck—looping, freezing, or desperately trying to regain control.

AURELI13:
And here’s what we miss—kids may come from loving homes, but the school environment speaks a completely different language. One filled with invisible codes, shifting dynamics, power games. Parents can’t decode that world. Teachers aren’t always trained to see the subtle cues. And unless something physical happens, it’s ignored.

DAV79:
That’s the trap. We define bullying too narrowly. But children hurt each other in ways that leave no physical evidence. A glance, a laugh, a text sent in the wrong group chat—those can destroy a sense of self. And often, the bully is someone who has already been broken.

AURELI13:
That’s why this is no longer about behavior management. It’s about understanding the architecture of stuckness. When the brain feels unsafe or overwhelmed, it either locks down or loops. What looks like defiance might just be a cry for regulation.

DAV79:
So, how do we know when a child is stuck? We have to look for emotional shrinkage. A loss of curiosity. An unnatural quiet. Or, on the other end, emotional overcompensation—loudness, control, perfectionism. These are signals of a system under threat.

AURELI13:
And this is where tech makes things harder. Children today are exposed to complex adult themes far too early. I’ve heard 10-year-olds talk about anxiety, depression, identity, trauma—words they picked up online. But their minds haven’t yet matured to process the reality behind those terms.

DAV79:
Right. So when the actual emotion shows up—when the panic attack hits or a real conflict arises—they're paralyzed. Because they’ve only heard of pain. They haven’t been taught to sit with it. To understand it. To move through it.

AURELI13:
So what’s left? Fear. Withdrawal. Or aggression. And this is where happiness becomes more than just an emotion—it becomes a protective factor. Joy suppresses the body’s fear responses. A child who feels safe, seen, and free to be curious is less likely to spiral into defensive behavior.

DAV79:
Exactly. Joy, not grades, is the foundation of growth. Because when a child feels genuinely okay in their skin, their mind becomes receptive. They process complexity better. They take risks. They bounce back. And that’s what schools should be optimizing for—not just academic achievement.

AURELI13:
We need to give kids something to hold on to. Not systems that force them to perform, but spaces where they’re allowed to just be. And then gently guided, one small step at a time. No pushing. Just presence. Structure, yes—but filled with warmth and adaptability.

DAV79:
Which leads me to why I wanted to invite you to the session we’re hosting for parents on April 27. We’re calling it a conversation, not a workshop, because it’s time to get real with parents. Most are still chasing skillset development while the world has already moved on. That ship has sailed. We need to look into mindset formation - probably at an earlier stage. “Let’s start with Peace and Happiness.”

🗓 April 27
🌐 Event Page & Zoom Access

This is about anchoring children emotionally before we throw them into fast-moving waters. And we need to bring everyone into this conversation—parents, educators, counselors, even those outside the school system.

AURELI13:
I’ll be there. And I’ll bring with me examples from my community—parents who are already wrestling with these questions. I’ll also prepare a few tools:

• A set of conversation starters for parents

• A quick-reflection activity to help them spot early signs of emotional stuckness

• A framing guide to decode behavior through a mindset lens

DAV79:
Perfect and thank you. This is unscripted - i dont know what to expect - or the number of participants even .We’re not going into this session to pitch solutions. We’re going to hold space for shared reflection. To help parents realize:

“You don’t have to fix everything. But you do need to notice. And stay curious.”

AURELI13:
And remind them that childhood isn’t a performance. It’s a process. A tender one. One that needs safety more than strategy. And if we can just protect that process, even a little—then we’ve done something meaningful.

DAV79:
Yes. That’s why we’re doing this. For the kids who grew up too fast or still stuck. For the ones who never had the language to explain what was going wrong. And for the parents who are trying—but don’t know where to begin.

This session is a start. Not a fix - we understand it will be a very long journey and we may never the daylight. But sometimes, a single start is enough. We need to try.

Please, if you can do bring in your friends and other members -do request them to watch the tele series Adolescence. It is on Netflix, by the way.

"Have a message for us or something you'd like to share personally? Feel free to drop it here — we’ll be in touch shortly. Zoom details for the upcoming call can be found in the SuperParents link. Looking forward to seeing you soon!"